As a little girl I never understood why anorexia was such an issue for some girls. I’ve been a gymnast since I was three years old and you better believe I’ve seen eating disorders on every corner. As a gymnast, you workout in a leotard, no baggy shorts or shirts to cover you up! Everything is on display for your coaches, teammates and spectators to see! Not to mention there is a mirror on every wall and you’ve gotta know by now women can’t walk by a mirror without looking at themselves. As a young gymnast I didn’t pay much attention to my fellow teammates body’s or how they appeared. But once I got into high school, weight and appearance became the number one priority. I wanted a college scholarship and I had to look my best. My coaches and parents suggested and subconsciously forced me into being on a diet so I could get a full ride. I ended up receiving a full ride to Michigan State and I thought I had put all the self destruction of my image in the past, but to my horror I didn’t realize I was jumping into an even deeper pool of image destruction. Going into freshmen year I had mono and started out, out of shape. Staff had me see a nutritionist to get me back on track. Well, to make a long story short, my coaches didn’t get the weight loss or aerobic fitness level they desired from me, which put me in automatic contention to get my scholarship stripped from me. They traded my gymnastics practices with four hour cardio sessions and my trainer made me see a phyciatrist to ensure I would not develop an eating disorder like so many other gymnasts have. I eventually lost weight but I couldn’t get past the lingering foot pain I was having. I found out a few short weeks later that I had a stress fracture in my foot. Keep in mind I’ve had surgery on the foot already from previously breaking it twice before. In the end, I decided to be done with the sport because I lost the drive to do it, but maybe it came from the outside pressure of those around me. Things and people on the outside made me convince myself that I was never gonna be good enough. Bordo summarizes that women have “habituated to external forces” and I believe she is spot on!
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*Blog post #2
I was a gymnast too, and while I never faced your issue (I'm sorry you did) I noticed other girls that were uncomfortable in leotards for many reasons in their own heads. A lot of the time high schools will think people notice every little insecurity they have, but usually i never noticed the things my teammates didn't like about their bodies until they pointed them out to me. I guess it goes to show that there are no such things as insecurities until we create them for ourselves.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you had to experience something like this- and that it made you lose your desire to do a sport you loved. I wasn't a gymnast in high school- I played volleyball and I must admit there were days when those tight little spandex shorts were no fun to wear in front of tiny little girls. I think it's so true what youre saying; outside information, suggestions, pressures, whatever- that our bodies receive, are so critical when trying to figure out why we do what we do. it's so sad, but true.
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