Marriage?

When my mother became pregnant with me, she and my dad were not married. In fact, they had just broken up. My dad wanted to get married when he found out but my mom flat out refused. She didn't want to be legally bound to my dad and she largely raised me as a single-mother (even though my dad was, and still is, an integral part of my life).

My dad had been married before to my half-brother's mother, Nancy. They had been together for 10 years until one day my dad "fell out of love" and they divorced. My dad had several different girlfriends when I was younger. Each of his relationships were intense but short, he never got close to marriage again. Even so, my dad never felt a loss. His relationship philosophy revolved around the intense spiritual experience of being connected to another person intimately, he never touted legality to me, instead he told me that what my relationships look like to everyone else shouldn't matter, even the duration shouldn't matter, what really matters is what you learn from the person you are with about yourself.

My mom never got married. Heavily feminist, she was in a committed partnership for 10 years with a man. Essentially, they were like a married couple. He lived with us, he picked me up from school, punished me if I did something bad, helped me with my homework. My mom introduced him as "my partner" to new people she met. They talked about marriage a few times but never got the idea off the ground. My mom always taught me that marriage was essentially just a legal contract for the benefit of the state, for tax purposes, etc. She believed that the wedding ceremony held little symbolic meaning for her and that a 'partnership' emphasized the equality and commitment between lovers as opposed to the obligation of marriage. Love should make you happy, it shouldn't be a chore.

I grew up with a very independent single-mother and a very introspective father, both who never talking about the importance of marriage, only stressing the importance of relationships, whatever form they took. I didn't dream of my perfect wedding dress, or think about rings. I always said I would never get married, when anyone asked. If I did it at all, it would be for tax reasons. I did not romanticize the event. Instead, I saw how financially stressful and emotionally straining it was for my brother and his wife to get married...and how unhappy they were afterwards, somehow thinking that getting married would change their relationship. Everyone I know is divorced, and if they aren't, they are separated.

It only recently started to occur to me how all of these things changed my view so negatively towards the idea of marriage. Now I work at a jewelry store and sell thousands of dollars of wedding jewelry to women who are both stressed AND in love, you can see the excitement in their eyes and the meaning they have put behind their weddings. They can't wait to get married, to make that commitment to each other. And now I am in a committed relationship of my own. I am deeply in love and seriously thinking about marriage and kids and if that is something I could really see for myself at all, or if my mom and dad were right and it's not for me.